Have you ever lost your mind when they begin to “run over” you, make unreasonable demands, accuse you of all sins, throw insults in your face, or, as it were, accidentally try to prick you with an “innocent” joke? Many people find themselves in this situation, and usually, a witty and reasoned response comes later, when the aggressor is already gone.
Learning to use "limiting phrases" to protect yourself from attacks or insults from the interlocutor.
Very often, this is because you did not take care to establish a boundary that would protect your identity. You can create such a protective wall with restrictive phrases.
At Bemorepanda, we have found that many phrases help set personal boundaries, defend against uncomfortable questions, and avoid sharp conflicts with people.
Such psychological boundaries are needed not only for self-defense when communicating with strangers in public places or with colleagues at work, but also with those we love - those we see and communicate with most often. It would seem that boundaries are easiest to establish with loved ones, but here's the problem - we often forget that we may need it.
Saying "I won't stand to be talked to like that" to someone following you on the street is one thing, but saying that to your husband, wife, or best friend? This will require a different level of skill and strength. But the closest people can inflict the deepest wounds - they know perfectly well where to hit harder.
How to start setting boundaries?
Psychologists recommend a technique for making requests instead of demands: Focus on what you see, think, and feel. For example, you want to tell your partner something important, and at the same time he is playing with the phone. You think that he does not care about you, is not interested in what you say, so you begin to get angry and upset, demanding to pay attention to you. Instead, turn the requirement into a request. Say, "I'd like to talk to you about something, can you put your phone away now?"
Most often, boundaries are easier to establish with those with whom we are already close. But how do we set boundaries with friends, roommates, colleagues, and extended family—people outside of our immediate family and inner circle? Here are a few phrases that will help you start building a strong psychological protective wall between you.
1. “I need time to think about this” - with this phrase you will provide yourself with space and time to maneuver so as not to agree or refuse a person right away. Use it with colleagues, with family members on long trips, in arguments with friends, when you see that the conversation is going nowhere and you want to avoid conflict.
2. "I don't want to talk about it right now, can we switch and talk about something else?" The phrase can come in handy if the person you are talking to is too curious and asks about things that you are not comfortable talking about. Say the phrase and politely switch the conversation. You can use it with just about anyone, even kids who ask questions you can't answer well at the moment, and fans who want to get something out of you and you're not ready to tell.
3. “I love (respect) you, but I really have to go. Let's set another time to end this conversation?". The phrase will allow you to end the argument, only you need to pronounce it very kindly so as not to destroy the relationship with the person who may think that you do not want to waste your time on him.
4. “It hurts me a lot when you talk to me like that. We will end the conversation and talk again when I see that you respect me and my values.” It helps when you are spoken to in an unkind or offensive way. It is a way (and a necessity) to ask to be spoken to kindly and politely when things get out of hand. Works with the people closest to you - parents, spouses, friends. As the saying goes, “If someone throws a temper tantrum because you set boundaries, that’s just more proof that you need boundaries.”
Use "limiting phrases" to set boundaries in conversations.
In everyday life, we do not always have enough time or energy to constantly defend our borders and participate in a possible confrontation. In such cases, when it is not clear what to expect from an encounter with people around you, a set of several key "limiting phrases" will help you. If you have them at the ready, they will help you cope with those who cross the line in a conversation with you.
Not all phrases apply to every situation or are suitable for every relationship. For example, "It's weird that you're asking this" might work when someone asks a question that's too personal, but it might not be enough when talking to co-workers or a boss. In order to respond on autopilot, you will first have to weigh what and when to say.
Here are a few examples to get you started building your arsenal of phrases that separate your personal boundaries:
- I dont have time for this.
- We'll come back to this in a couple of hours, we'll both have time to think.
- I don't have to explain myself to you.
- It won't work in my case.
- Let me stop you right at these words.
- It's not really up for debate.
- I know you'll say it's "just a joke" but it's not funny.
- Why did you say so?
- Why are you asking me this?
- Do you think this is appropriate?
- Could you explain what's funny about that?
Keep in mind, the goal here is not to memorize these phrases word for word. You can make your list of something like this that will suit your style of speech and situation. Remember that you will need to prepare a little in order to be armed and at the right time not to get confused. If you are able to deliver a pre-set limiting phrase in a conversation, you will create space between you and the impending conflict.
When is it best to be silent and when to speak?
Sometimes the best tactic is to let your silence speak for itself. If a colleague asks an inappropriate question about your personal life, you can remain silent and not answer to show that you are not even paying attention to this indiscreet attack. If someone in your family continues to harass you about career or partner choices, then simply state "No comment" and this can help prevent a nasty fight.
Again, you should not allow your silence to allow the other person to think that you have shown weakness and indecision. If someone is spreading misinformation about you or showing hate, then you have a responsibility to report it, even if it's embarrassing. Any limiting phrase will be better than silence, and the script phrases above can give you confidence that you won't get confused or lost in words.
Here is a selection of useful phrases
When you disagree with someone:
- I do not agree with this approach or assessment.
- I say what I think is right.
- I appreciate your opinion, but I'm not ready to change my mind on this.
- Could you explain your reasoning?
- I haven't come across this.
- I would like to see if we can understand the question better.
- I want to hear your thoughts and also share mine.
When you want to opt out of a proposed workload:
- I have a lot of work and little time.
- I need to come back to this project in a few weeks.
- I know I said yes, but I didn't think of other things I need to do.
- I want to do my job well, so I can't do it right now.
- Thank you for thinking of me. I'm always ready to take on a challenge, but it's beyond my skill set.
- I'd be happy to help, but I need a day or two to get ready.
- I understand the urgency, but it's not something I can do right now.
When they want to make you look incompetent:
- This is not my area of expertise, but I can learn it for you.
- I don't remember offhand. I'll check my records and let you know.
- I want to be sure and give you the correct information. I'll call you back.
- That's a good question. I'll see what I can find out for you.
- I thought about it too. Let me ask.
- I don't think I'm the best person to answer this question, but I'll see if there is one.
- I think so, based on the information I have.
When someone knows how to put pressure on your weak points:
- I put my needs first and you won't make me feel guilty.
- I don't feel like I have the opportunity to express my opinion.
- I feel closed when you intercept the conversation.
- I understand how you feel. But now it's time to talk about how I feel.
- I feel depressed when you talk about it in front of everyone. Next time, please, just talk to me about it in private.
- I would be grateful if you would not talk to my mother about my personal life.
- I am an adult and able to make my own decisions.
- My reasons are personal and I don't need to explain them to you.
- I have my reasons.
- I don't have to explain myself to you.
- I prefer not to talk about it.
- I am confident in my decisions.
- I won't let you use your guilt to control me.
- My feelings are just as important as yours.
- If you choose to ignore me, that's your problem, not mine.
- I can see that you're worried about me, but I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions.
When someone gives unsolicited advice:
- We have tight deadlines. Let's focus on the task at hand and then consider your suggestions.
- I like the idea. Can you lay out and email everything?
- I'm so grateful for your advice, but I'm going to try something else.
- You made me think about a lot. Thank you.
- I understand why you think this might work. But here's why it won't.
- I want to understand what you are trying to achieve with this review. Can you explain the reason for this?
The heyday of horror movies came in the 70s and 80s when censorship was finally abolished, and special effects became more and more realistic. At that time, many horror films appeared on the screens, which later became classics. At the same time, slashers were born, aimed at a younger audience.
What are some of the best horror movies?
Unfortunately, by the 90s, horror films almost died out, giving way to thrillers. The popularity of The Silence of the Lambs played a significant role. Horror returned to the screens only after the beginning of the 21st century, slightly changing the plots to more social ones.
20. The Shining
USA, UK, 1980.
Horror, thriller, drama.
Duration: 144 minutes.
Writer Jack Torrance is in a creative crisis. To earn extra money and at the same time to be distracted, he gets a job as a caretaker at the Overlook Hotel, which is closed for the winter and moves there with his family. Jack plans to spend this time writing a new novel. But soon, terrible things begin to happen in the hotel.
The author of the original book Stephen King was dissatisfied with the adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. But still, the director managed to perfectly convey the mystical and frightening atmosphere of the hotel, inhabited by ghosts. Well, the fantastic performance of Jack Nicholson makes the picture a must-see.
USA, UK, 1979.
Horror, fantasy, thriller.
Duration: 116 minutes.
The spacecraft Nostromo receives a signal from the new planet LV-426. Crew members assume they are being asked for help. But soon, the team encounters a creepy alien who kills the heroes one by one.
With the cult film by Ridley Scott, a whole multi-year franchise about xenomorphs began, on which various directors worked. But still, the sequels are more like gloomy action movies. And the first film is a fantastic horror, where a monster hunts for heroes in a confined space.
By the way, initially, the author planned to kill all the characters in the film, which would exclude the possibility of a continuation. But the producers opposed this move and forced him to change the ending.
18. The Thing
Duration: 109 minutes.
In the ice of Antarctica, polar explorers find an alien organism. It soon turns out that he attacks people and can take the form and even copy the behavior of any living creature. Now all the station inhabitants suspect each other, trying to figure out the monster.
John Carpenter's film is based on the 1951 Thing from Another World. But the remake managed to surpass the original in terms of visual presentation and psychological tension.
17. Rosemary's Baby
Horror, drama, thriller.
Duration: 137 minutes.
Rosemary and Guy Wodehouse move to an upscale neighborhood in New York. They quickly become friends with their new neighbors, and everything seems to be going well in life. But one day, Rosemary dreams about being raped by a demon. And soon, the girl discovers that she is pregnant.
Director Roman Polanski approached the staging of his debut film in Hollywood very carefully, paying attention to the minor details in the plot. The author wanted no one to doubt the realism of what was happening. As a result, the picture perfectly combines the story of a classic horror film about a satanic cult and a reflection of the natural fear of motherhood.
16. The Exorcist
Duration: 122 minutes.
Actress Chris McNeil's 12-year-old daughter has strange seizures. Moreover, during attacks, she behaves aggressively, and then she begins to speak in a male voice and move strangely. Doctors do not find any physical problems, and then it becomes clear: the girl is possessed by the devil.
William Friedkin's film is widely regarded as a horror classic. The director set it as his task to scare the viewer in every way, for which shaking scenery, terrible makeup, and many special effects were used. And many considered the scene of the exorcism of the devil even too realistic, although the performer of the role of Merrin's father, Max von Sydow, said that he did not believe in evil spirits.
Well, the moment where the girl's arms and legs bend has firmly gone down in history: it was copied in dozens of horror films and then parodied in many comedies.
Duration: 124 minutes.
The sheriff of the local police discovers on the shore the remains of a girl torn to pieces by a massive white shark. The number of victims is growing every day, but the city leadership does not dare to notify residents of the danger. Then the main character teams up with a shark hunter and an oceanologist to catch the monster together.
Steven Spielberg's film made a splash at the box office, paying off dozens of times and turning the term "blockbuster" into an independent genre. And all the more surprising is that this is a story about a vast monster devouring people.
14. Night of the Living Dead
Duration: 96 minutes.
Barbara arrives with her brother at her father's grave. And right in the cemetery, they are attacked by a creepy man in rags. The girl manages to escape, and soon she finds herself in a house where several more strangers have gathered. And around begins the invasion of the living dead.
The film by aspiring director George Romero was the first story in which zombies were shown in their usual form today - before this term was referred only to as voodoo magic. Interestingly, Romero himself did not use it.
The film has many sequels and remakes, and the idea of the mindless walking dead, who are primarily dangerous because of their numbers, has gone into popular culture.
Duration: 101 minutes.
Since childhood, Michael Myers has been in a hospital because he killed his sister. But one day, an adult criminal escapes, puts on a white mask, and begins to terrorize a group of teenagers.
The author work of John Carpenter launched a whole wave of slasher films - horror films where a maniac in a mask hunts teenagers. Such paintings even became a symbol of the eighties. And Halloween itself has evolved into one of the longest-running horror franchises in history. In 2018, another part was released, which continued the events of the very first film, ignoring the sequels.
12. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Duration: 83 minutes.
Girl Sally and her friends go to Texas to visit their grandfather's grave. On the way, they come to a farm where an extraordinary family lives, working in a slaughterhouse. Guests are invited to dinner, but it turns out that the owners are not opposed to hunting people.
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" became the primary prototype of all slashers, anticipating both "Halloween" and other prominent representatives of the genre. The first part may seem rustic to date, although it has enough dark scenes.
But the picture also has many sequels, and in 2017 a prequel about the origin of the main villain, nicknamed Leatherface, was released. By the way, this character has an actual prototype - the maniac Ed Gein.
11. The Omen
USA, UK, 1976.
Duration: 111 minutes.
The wife of American diplomat Robert Thorne gives birth to a dead child. Her husband decides not to tell his wife the sad news and takes another baby instead. The child, named Damien, grows up in the family as his own. But in fact, his soul is cursed from birth. After all, Damien is the Antichrist.
And another classic horror movie that embodies the idea of fear of children. The contrast between the angelic face of the young actor and his sinister actions hooked the viewer. The picture came out with two more successful sequels, where they talked about Damien's adolescence and his mature years.
But the restart of the story of the same name failed, although the film's advertising campaign was built very ingeniously, releasing the picture on 06/06/2006.
10. A Nightmare on Elm Street
Duration: 92 minutes.
High school students of one of the schools begin to dream the same dream: they are being pursued by a mutilated maniac Freddy Krueger with metal knives in his glove. And the worst thing is that those he killed in a dream die in reality. The heroes are trying to figure out where this ghost came from. But for this, they need not sleep.
One of the most recognizable on-screen maniacs came up with director Wes Craven, and over the years, the image of Freddy Krueger has become firmly established in pop culture. Everyone knows his invariable attributes: a red-green sweater, a hat, a burnt face, and a glove with claws.
It is ironic that in the late nineties, when the horror genre was in severe decline, the same Craven made the film Scream, in which he deconstructed the slasher genre and showed all the stereotypes of such movies.
9. The Fly
USA, UK, Canada, 1986.
Horror, fantasy, drama.
Duration: 96 minutes.
Scientist Seth Brundle creates a teleportation device. After several successful experiments with objects and animals, he decides to try the invention on himself. But at the moment of teleportation, a fly flies into the device. Because of this accident, Set gradually turns into a giant insect.
And again, a remake that surpassed the original in quality and popularity. The fact is that the master of the body horror genre David Cronenberg undertook to shoot it. He was able to very vividly and unpleasantly show the mutations of the human body. Yes, he designed a creepy and cruel plot into a good drama.
8. The Conjuring
Horror, thriller, detective.
Duration: 113 minutes.
Spouses Ed and Lorraine Warren are experienced exorcists. They exorcise ghosts from houses and also give lectures about otherworldly forces. But one day, they have to face such a potent evil that not only the inhabitants of the damned home are in danger, but also the spouses themselves.
This film was directed by James Wan - the creator of another famous horror franchise, "Astral." He took as a basis the memoirs of the honest Lorraine Warren, who claims that all these events happened. The result was a great horror movie with many scary scenes, which later turned into a whole franchise with spin-offs like Annabelle.
Duration: 98 minutes.
Quiet and timid schoolgirl Carrie is constantly intimidated by her fanatically religious mother and offended by her peers. Aggression accumulates inside her, which suddenly manifests itself in supernatural abilities. And at this time, classmates want to play it again right at the prom.
The film adaptation of Stephen King's debut novel by the famous Brian De Palma cemented the book's popularity and stimulated many other directors to pay attention to the writer's work. The secret to the story's success is simple: King took a familiar story about bullying at school and turned it into supernatural horror. Well, Palma only managed to adapt all this perfectly.
The movie's tagline is "If The Exorcist made you flinch, Carrie would make you scream." And this is not an exaggeration: at first, many viewers were seriously frightened by the terrible bloody scene at the school.
Duration: 98 minutes.
Young American ballerina Susie Bannion travels to Germany to study at the famous dance school. Soon, girls begin to die mysteriously there. And then Susie realizes that the school has become the site of a coven of witches.
Dario Argento is a recognized master of the Giallo genre, which combines a crime thriller, explicit scenes, and cruelty. But in Suspiria, he went further, combining dark mysticism with a beautiful musical film.
And in 2018, a remake of the same name was released. The new version turned out to be more ambiguous and even philosophical. However, there are enough beautiful and scary scenes in it too.
5. Invasion Of The Body Snatchers
Fantasy, thriller, horror.
Duration: 115 minutes.
Alien plants appear in an American town. Gradually, they turn into absolutely exact copies of people and take the place of the originals. The only difference is that the aliens are entirely emotionless.
The classic film of the same name came out in 1955 when the US went through a hysteria about foreign spies. Then the film set the fashion for the story of the alien invasion.
The 1978 remake was even more interesting than the original. The atmosphere of horror and creepy scenes of the appearance of copies from cocoons were added to the unusual plot. And the gloomy ending of the picture went down in history as one of the most sinister scenes.
Duration: 114 minutes.
The Freeling family moves into a new house, where strange things soon happen: objects move on their own, and appliances turn on. Then the tree outside the window tries to kidnap the son of the Freelings, and while his parents are getting him out, their daughter disappears.
The creator of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Tobe Hooper, years later released another cult horror film, only now in a completely different style. Based on a script by Steven Spielberg, the story has become one of the best examples of haunted house horror.
Horror, thriller, detective.
Duration: 96 minutes.
There is a legend among teenagers about a creepy videotape. As soon as someone watches the tape, the phone rings in his house, and a week later, he dies. And after the mysterious death of his niece, reporter Reiko Asakawa decides to look into the origin of this tape.
This film gave us a creepy girl with black hair crawling out of the TV. First, she turned into one of the most famous and frightening images and then into the object of many parodies.
The popularity of the original film was also noticed in Hollywood, and three years later, they released their version of the picture in the United States. Curiously, later the continuation of the American version was directed by the director of the Japanese original, Hideo Nakata.
2. The Babadook
Australia, Canada, 2014.
Duration: 93 minutes.
Amelia, who has lost her husband, brings her young son Sam a children's book called The Babadook. But the monster of history becomes tangible. It inhabits the heroine and tries to kill the child.
Australian actress Jennifer Kent in her directorial debut, was able to talk about the deep feelings of a single mother. Therefore, if you oversee the film, you can see not only cool screamers but also the expression of a woman's grief over her dead husband. And the ending hints that secret fears cannot be eliminated - they can only be controlled.
1. The VVitch: A New-England Folktale
USA, UK, Canada, Brazil, 2015.
Duration: 93 minutes.
The action took place in the 17th century. The family of William and Katerina are expelled from the settlement. She and her four children set up a home near the forest, but a witch steals their newborn child. The family blames the eldest daughter Thomasin for all the troubles, who did not keep track of her brother, and this becomes the beginning of even more significant problems.
Rookie director Robert Eggers tried to shoot the whole picture as naturalistically as possible: most of the shots here are shown in natural light in rather pale colors. And in fact, the meaning of the picture is not witchcraft. Much more frightening is that each hero hides something even from his loved ones.
What’s the best movie for Halloween and why?
Even though the coronavirus restrictions canceled all plans for a massive Halloween celebration, you can always celebrate October 31st at home. You just need to stock up on food, turn on the scariest horror movies and arrange yourself a night marathon. We've put together tips from filmmakers to help you decide on your Halloween horror movies.
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
One of the most creative comedy slashers of recent years is based, in fact, on one extended joke: two main characters - harmless rednecks, who nevertheless look like typical horror villains - is mistaken are by a group of students for maniacs due by a series of misunderstandings. And then it begins stupid deaths, absurd situations, go to the people "students have arrived and committed suicide in the fresh air." "Tucker & Dale vs. Evil" is a Homeric genre shifter that deftly walks through the most worn clichés of slashers and turns them against themselves.